Going Raw: Day 18

Wow! What a painfully slow day it's been. I keep thinking it's Friday!

Unfortunately, my OCD is kicking into high gear today. I can't seem to get anything done because my mind is so stuck on something else. As embarrassing as it is to say...it's stuck on raw food. I'm trying to make out my grocery list...again. I thought maybe if I started earlier I wouldn't get so obsessed, alas, not so. I just get obsessed for an extended period of time instead of one day. Oh well, you live, you learn. I just keep focusing on the foods I want to have next week and it's driving me insane because I know what I want to have but I also don't want to have too much of one thing (i.e. nuts, oils, etc.) or spend an absurd amount of money. I also feel like I should be making my own recipes...as if I'm some sort of mooch or a failure if I don't come up with my own creations. I always thought I was creative...I'm just scared to try with food.

I'm also freaking out because I'm worried that I may be eating too much dessert. My scale told me I gained a pound this past week (though I cheated and weighed myself way before my weigh day) and the only thing I can think of is "too much raw chocolate." But then I look at all these other raw foodists and talk to people on the RFC and they seem to eat dessert pretty much nightly. It's not like I'm gorging myself on pies and cakes and cookies...I just have my banana soft serve every night with some chocolate. So why am I freaking out?! It's a learning process...if something doesn't work one week, assess it and change it for next week until you find something that works for you. The only problem is that I'm so used to counting something (calories, points, etc.) that I don't know how to gauge how much I'm eating without them. This is how distorted our perceptions have become. We can't even tell when to eat and when to stop without the assistance of some irrelevant number given to us by god knows who! It should come naturally but we've been so acclimatized to eating based on these numbers instead of on our own hunger that we've forgotten how to. I want to learn but I'm just feeling so overwhelmed right now; it's like learning a new language in a foreign country...you have to pick it up but it's painfully hard and lonely until you do.

Okay, well in other news: I actually worked out yesterday. Instead of sitting on the couch yesterday while watching two hours of So You Think You Can Dance (yes, I'm addicted), I got on the floor and did some weight training for my arms and upper abs, as well as some resistance training for my lower abs. Now ironically, out of all the groups that I worked, not one of them hurts more than my thighs...which I barely worked on! And I thought my legs were in pretty good shape given the giant hill I have to walk up to get home everyday from work. I guess not =\

And completely irrelevant to food: my dentist is worried about my teeth (I went yesterday)...not because of cavities or anything like that (which I do have) but she says that I ground them so much that they're shorter than a lot of 60 year-olds' she's seen. She says that if I keep going, my teeth will be half the length they are now in eight short years! I don't want to lose my teeth! I should have seen this coming though...my dad lost his teeth when he was young, too. Though he didn't have the benefit of a night guard when he was my age. The dentist says that should help tremendously with the headaches, cavities, lock jaw and help me keep my teeth a lot longer.