Gluttony

I make myself sick...literally!

What kind of person eats until they can't breath, eats until they are sick?! I have such an effed up relationship with food and I'm so frustrated with myself for not being able to fix it. I just want to be able to look at food without seeing a means to stuff my feelings down. I don't see food as a way to stay alive, I see food as a way to kill time. If I was religious, it would be obvious that gluttony is going to kill me. It finally feels like food is going to destroy me...and my mother. She is even more sick than I am but I unlike her, I don't want to spend the majority of my life having this sick relationship with food. I want to be healthy and I want my perception of eating to be healthy as well. I'm tired to slowly eating myself to death.

The Culprit!

It was definitely the raw hummus. As delicious as it was, it was definitely the reason behind my digestion issues this week. I don't know if it was the ton of (badly processed) sesame seeds or some weird combination, but it definitely did not sit well with me. Which is too bad...I think I'll try it without the extra sesame seeds and see how that turns out, after all, I've had tahini with no problems...I'll make a small batch though.

I'm so just grateful for hot yoga this week, it has been amazing for my stomach. Yesterday did nearly kill me though...for some reason I was just stiff as a board and had no balance whatsoever! Still made it through and am happy I went. Next week will probably be my last week in yoga however =*( since my coupon is running out and I need to conserve as much money as possible in the next month or so since I'm quitting my job to go back to school.

Thankfully, I've got a back-up plan as far as maintaining my fitness. I got inspired by Courtney who is doing the P90X program and I was considering getting it until I saw an infomercial (yes, an infomercial, save your judgements) for the Insanity DVDs. It's not as long but looks just as tough and the results seem to be pretty substantial. The program arrived in a five pound box yesterday and the DVDs are in a case that is meant to look like a book (kind of nifty actually). I will start on Monday with the fitness test...apparently even the test is supposed to kick your behind but I'm not deterred. Terrified of all the warnings that come on the box but I'm determined to get through it and to be proud of myself and my body for keeping up. I want to look my best and obviously, feel my best and I know that won't happen until I get serious about working out and shape up. I guess I should take some of the dreaded "before" photos this weekend.

So despite my stomach problems in the past week and a half, I still somehow managed to lose another two pounds this week! I was shocked when I stepped on the scale: I was certain that I would have gained back some of the weight that the flu helped me lose. I don't even know how I did it, I was worried that I was eating pretty badly this week. That just goes to show you that you don't have to consciously be on a diet or counting calories and points to lose weight...you just do your best and try to give your body what it needs.

I've also found that my OCD is starting to get better and that I'm not as dead-set on perfection like I usually am on a diet. This feels so much more natural because I'm not restricting myself and I'm learning not to over-analyze everything I'm doing. Even if I do succumb to the occasional call of the Larabar, it's not the end of the world; it could be a lot worse...


...it could have been Doritos.

Hot Yoga to the Rescue!

I finally feel like my digestion is back on track. I guess hot yoga helped last night as I imagined it would. I can't emphasize how wonderful I feel after doing 90 minutes of hot hatha yoga, it feels so good. It's kind of sad to realize that I can't bend the way I used to and do some of the poses with the same ease that I once did but it's not as if I didn't expect it.

Last night I came home at around 8:30 pm after yoga class and wanted something to put in my mouth. I wasn't really hungry but I wanted something. Given that I knew I was going to bed fairly soon I didn't want anything that would take too long to digest so I used up some of the fruit in the fridge and made myself a fresh fruit juice. Oh my god was it GOOD! It was perfectly sweet, cool and refreshing. Probably found my favorite combination of fruit ever and it was simply by pure luck: peach, apple and orange. Ran all three through my juicer (which I guess I won't be returning after that miracle) and tada; easily digestable, healthy and delicious evening sustenance:

I apologize for the crappy photo but it was late therefore there was no natural light so I had to use the flash =\

In other news, I think I finally figured out what is making me so gassy and irregular: tahini. I made zucchini hummus this weekend and it called for a ton of tahini and then some more sesame seeds and I think it may just be too heavy for me to digest. Shame, because it's so delicious. It took a little while to grown on me but now I'm really liking it! It tastes nothing like hummus but oh well. What I have started to figure out about raw foods is that they are always better if allowed to sit overnight. Unlike with cooked foods, flavors don't combine together immediately because there is no heat to break down the bonds of the food thus allowing all the flavors to fuse together that quickly. The blender obviously breaks down some of the bonds but heat is a catalyst in many reactions so without the artifical catalyst, the natural catalysts in food take longer to work therefore food never tastes the same (and sometimes as good) when you make it at night and the following morning. Okay, just a little basic chemistry for your Wednesday afternoon.

And in case you want to give it shot, here is the hummus recipe:

Zucchini Hummus by Gena:

Ingredients:

2 zucchini, chopped

½ cup lemon juice

1 tsp salt

1 ½ tsp cumin

1 cup raw tahini (the Artisana brand is nice; substitute regular tahini if you need to)

4 tbsp olive oil

½ cup raw sesame seeds

Vitamix directions:
Put all ingredients in your Vitamix and blend to a rich perfection!

Food processor directions:
Same as above. You may have a hard time blending the sesame seeds, so I recommend soaking them for a few hours first, halving the recipe, and stopping frequently to scape the bowl. You can also omit the seeds entirely, but in that case I also recommend omitting the olive oil to keep a thick consistency.

I did not use a food processor or a vitamix, I used my regular old blender so mine wasn't nearly as smooth or creamy and it's very thick. Probably because I also didn't soak the sesame seeds or halve the recipe. I think next time I will try using less of the tahini and less of the sesame seeds. This was just too heavy in my opinion. Though still quite delicious.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, I'm off to do some work! TTFN!

Digestion Problems Once Again

I'm feeling so off today. I don't know what's going on but pretty much since last Thursday's stomach flu, I just haven't been feeling my best and I don't know what to do! I know my digestion is way out of whack and my IBS is back with a vengeance. Ugh! Not to mention the fact that I'm just tired all of the time now! I feel like I did before I went Raw and that is not a good thing. Maybe I'll try eating a smaller lunch tomorrow and see what happens...I'll halve my salad or something. I've finally got my water intake to an adequate level since Thursday so I'm pretty sure I'm not dehydrated anymore. It's pretty amazing how your body can get better and you feel great so subtly that you hardly even notice the difference but you feel crappy the second something gets skewed. I should probably have been a little bit more diligent about weaning myself back onto real food after getting sick, but that's just me...I dive right in.

I'm going to hot hatha yoga tonight so hopefully that will help with my digestion issues. I just want to go back to feeling good. I really don't like this lousy, gassy and bloated feeling. This could also be due to the fact that I'm about to start my cycle which would explain the bloating, the abdominal pain (not cramps, just upper abdominals), the exhaustion and most notably...the irritability. Whatever it is, I really don't like it; I'm not comfortable and I'm definitely not happy or glowing, I just want to crawl into bed and cry...

Hmmmmmmmm...that does sound suspiciously like PMS.