I've Lost My Mojo

This is depressing: I've lost my raw mojo and I don't know how to get it back. It seems like everything I do isn't up to par. Every recipe I've tried lately just isn't doing it for me anymore. It's not a lack of inspiration, I've got plenty of that. I just don't know what's lacking. Nothing tastes as good as it did when I started. I can blame this on this past week. It was, as I've mentioned non-stop lately, my last week at work and everyone wanted to take me out. So I had a couple of meals (literally two) that were not raw: some hummus with pita and some green curry with rice oh and some chocolate and coffee. Everything was delicious. I've been trying to recreate a green curry and thus far have been failing MISERABLY. I'm thinking that I may want to just lower my expectations of myself for a little while. This is the first time I've considered that I may have dived into this too fast. I really don't want to give up and really want to succeed at this but I think I have been pushing myself too hard. Until I feel comfortable again, I think I may need to make a few exceptions to my raw food diet. While all of the food I will make at home will be raw, I think giving into a few of my (still healthy) temptations may give me a renewed enthusiasm about raw food. I will also have to resort back to a few of my favorite recipes from the beginning and lay off the new recipes until I'm back on track. This is just a little bit disappointing for me. I've been doing so well but I don't think I can take another failed green curry recipe =\

And school starts tomorrow and I don't remember the last time I was this nervous. Okay, since most of my recipes have been sucking lately I'll hold off on posting any. I did buy the most delicious raw honey from a local company this weekend at a farmer's market. It's maple honey and it is amazing, it has a very subtle minty flavor...nothing like maple syrup. I can't stop eating it. Well, I guess I better get my things ready for tomorrow...after all, I won't be home until after 10:00 pm. I'll report back on Tuesday and see if things have gotten any better. TTFN!

An Apology

I would like to offer my most sincere apology for being absent as of late. To say the least, it's been a crazy week. It's my last one at my full-time job, I'm training a new girl to take over for my position, I'm trying to get things figured out with school and I'm still trying to figure out what to do with Finn during this time. It's been hectic so I haven't had a lot of time to sit down this week and really write down everything that's been going on. I do have some recipes to share that I experimented with this week but those will have to wait until I have more than 15 minutes on the computer. You can look forward to raw barfi and an orange glaze.

As far as my insanity work-outs are going: pretty damn well! I'm almost done with week two and I caught a glimpse of my legs in the mirror last night and I have to say I'm impressed. They're starting to get some of that definition back and I can actually see muscle again! Of course, my legs are always the second thing to get fit/lose weight (my face is the first and boobs are third =P). But I'm happy with this progress because it proves to me that something is happening and if I keep going then everything else will shape up as well. I don't know what I'm going to do when school starts up again. This month shouldn't be a problem but next month, when the workouts get harder and longer it may pose more of a problem. I may just have to decide to go slower next month and not workout every day...just the days I don't have to work. Or even possibly just repeat the first month and wait until break to finish the second month. Regardless, as terrified as I am of what's to come in the second month, I am determined to finish this program...even if it takes a little longer than I had originally planned. I just can't wait to finally see my stomach start to go away at last! That, more than anything else, will give me the most self-confidence.

Again, my sincerest apology and I will try to post again soon with the recipes. TTFN!

Stress, stress and stress

As you've probably figured out...I'm stressed. I'm freaking out about quitting my job. Or rather stressing out about school and my new job. The closer I get to the start of school and the start of my new part-time job, the more I start to panic. I just don't know how I'm going to handle it. I literally have to be in three cities every single day and somehow find time in between all the driving (because there is no way a bus is going to get me anywhere on time) to walk my dog, do my insanity work-outs, make food and the cherry on top of this sundae, do homework. I'm most concerned about not being able to walk Finn. I feel like I'm abandoning him. And hindsight being 20/20, this is probably not the best time for me to have a dog. I don't regret getting him, I love him to death but I'm so scared that I don't have enough time to really give him what he needs...it's breaking my heart. I'm sure I'm making a big thing out of nothing. On the days that I'm not working after class I'll be home sooner and have more time to spend with him than normal so it should even out. On days that I am working however, I have to drive back and forth between the city school and work are in and my home in Downtown Seattle just so that I can walk him. One of the women at work (she is an angel, I swear) caught me being all miserable and offered to walk my dog during her lunch breaks on days that I have to work so that I don't have to come back to Seattle. I immediately broke down and started crying; that is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me...especially someone I hardly know. So today being the crap day it is, I caved and got myself a dark chocolate bar. Obviously not raw but I'm pretty sure it's as close to vegan as mass produced chocolate bars get. I just needed those endorphins...I think it helped.

But aside from that, I somehow managed to gain two pounds this week while still losing 1% body fat and a quarter inch off of my waist and another quarter inch off of my hips. I'm praying that those two pounds are just the new muscle I'm building with my new work-out regime. I'm not eating too much more than I usually do. Regardless I'm not worrying too much about it right now...I have enough to worry about on my plate. I think I need to wait until my life settles down again and I get into a routine to really focus on weight loss. I am by no means saying that I'm going to start eating junk again...or cooked foods for that matter. I will still be eating raw like I do now, I'm just not going to stress over everything that I'm eating...I'll do my best and whatever happens, happens. Not like I'm going to have a lot of time to really sit and eat anyway with my new schedule.

Okay, now for some more recipes!

Szechuan Dressing inspired by Shannsu on RFC:

Ingredients:
1 small clove garlic, crushed
2 tbsp. raw sesame oil (or olive oil)
1 1/2 tbsp. umeboshi plum vinegar (or apple cider vinegar)
2 tbsp. nama shoyu
2 tsp. raw honey (or agave nectar)
1 tsp. coarsely ground Szechuan pepper (or some black pepper)
1 tbsp. tahini
Cayenne pepper, to taste

Directions:
Combine everything together in a blender until a smooth consistency is reached.

Notes: This turned out pretty good and very spicy. If you don't like it spicy, you really want to be careful with the cayenne pepper. I also added a pinch of ginger.

Curried Broccoli inspired by Daniefon on Gone Raw:

Ingredients:
1 medium ripe tomato
2 dates
1 tbsp. sesame seeds
1/2 cup cilantro
juice from 1/4 a lime
juice from 1/4 a lemon
1/2 tsp. tumeric
1/2 tsp. cumin
curry powder, to taste
1/2 tsp. ginger
1 clove garlic
1 green onions
Salt, to taste
2 cups chopped broccoli florets

Directions:
Blend everything but broccolli together until well combined and only slightly chunky. In a large bowl add broccoli until everything is coated evenly. You can eat this immediately, or marinate it overnight in the fridge for softer broccoli. Serve with your choice or sides (i.e. rice, kelp noodles, veggies).

Notes: Oh wow! This stuff is delicious! If you like curry you will love this. I may try using only one date next time as it was a little bit too sweet but definitely still amazing! And the best part? Not a drop of oil in here and you could easily make it seedless! Incredible right?!

Okay, that's all for today folks...I'm off to be stressed, upset and grumpy. TTFN!

P.S. Now that chocolate is starting to make me sick...my bad.

Uncertain Future

Good Morning,

As promised I will post a couple (maybe three) more recipes today before I'm done. Trust me, they will be good!

However, I am having a minor panic attack this morning. It's probably clear by now that I'm quitting my well-paying, cushy and easy job to go back to school full time to become a nurse. One of my co-workers sent out an email to the whole team (all three hundred plus people) telling them that I'm leaving and why I'm leaving. Of course, no one reads the email so they all come up to me and start asking where I am going. How many times do I have to repeat the same information over and over? I feel like I should send out a mass email myself...not that it would help. Of course, she did this with the best intentions but it definitely was not something that I was looking forward to in my last week of work. So why am I freaking out? Because although I have a part-time job lined up already, I just don't know if that will be enough to cover all of my expenses. I've gotten used to living a life of relative comfort and apparently, I'm not quite ready to give that up. Too late now though. But the worst part is that I have had some people from my office approach me and start scaring me. They mean well and I'm sure they simply want me to be prepared but I'm scared enough as it is, do you really have to tell me how hard it is to get into the University of Washington Nursing School? I already know it's competitive, I'm not an idiot but that doesn't mean I want to be reminded of that fact constantly. I've considered that bit and I've decided to go for it anyway and I was happy with my choice, why do these people have to remind me of the possibly life-destroying aspect of all this?

Speaking of intimidating, I did the Cardio Recovery work out of the Insanity program. Can all of the work outs be like that? I worked up a sweat but my heart rate wasn't at a "holy shit just kill me now!" level today. It was very pleasant and hopefully it will let my muscles rest a bit. Right now, they are KILLING me. It will be nice to have this recovery day to look forward to every week. I've just been so stressed lately that I'm sure I've been eating awfully this past week and it's depressing me. I will try and do better next week, though I'm sure that will be nearly impossible as well given that it is my last week at work and who knows what these people will drive me to.

Okay, enough of the ranting, here are the recipes!

Hoisini Sauce by Russell James on RFC:

Ingredients:

1/4 cup tahini

1 teaspoon lemon juice

1 teaspoon yacon syrup or agave

1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar

3 teaspoons tamari

1/2 a garlic clove

1/2 a small de-seeded chili

1/2cm cube of fresh ginger

Directions:

Blend everything together in a blender.

Some notes: I never have fresh ginger in the house (probably because I'm not the biggest fan) so I used some ginger powder instead. I also did not have any chillies so I completely omitted them from the recipe and it turned out fine. I used a whole clove of garlic and replaced tamari with nama shoyu. This turned out really creamy and delicious. Russell suggests serving this with dehydrated broccoli and parsnip rice (which does sound delicious) but I have no dehydrator and no parsnips so I used my favorite; kelp noodles and some fresh, raw broccoli. You can go to the link and check out how he serves it.

Chocolate Covered Coconut Bites by Erin on Gone Raw:

Ingredients:

1/2 cup dates

water

2-3 tbsp. tahini, or other nut butter

1-2 c coconut flakes

favorite chocolate sauce recipe

Directions:

In a blender or food processor, combine dates and water to make a thick paste. Add tahini and blend until smooth. Transfer to a large bowl and add coconut until you reach desired consistency. Make into desired shape and lay on a cookie sheet in the freezer while you prepare your chocolate sauce. Once chocolate is ready, you can either roll each piece in the chocolate, dip half in it or drizzle the sauce over the tops. Put back in freezer to allow chocolate to set and enjoy!

Some notes: I made two attempts at this recipe. The first time my date paste was too thick and I added about 1 1/2 cups of coconut so the balls turned out way to dry. I recommend using about a half a cup of water (or more) to 1/2 cup dates, it will look thin but trust me, you want it that way. Then I used only 1 cup of coconut and it turned out to be the perfect consistency. It was a little soft but it set in the freezer. I also used 4 tbsp. of cacao, coconut oil and agave to make the chocolate sauce and I found it was enough to cover all of the balls entirely.

You can leave them in the freezer until you serve them but I recommend letting them defrost a little bit because that's when you can really taste them. These were REALLY good! Even the dry ones but the second batch was amazing when it melted a little. YUM! I even had SAD folk at work devouring these, they loved them as well and couldn't believe they were Raw.

I still have the Szechuan dressing and the simple curry to talk about but since this post has ended up being so long already, I'll save the rest of the recipes for a later date. TTFN!

Insanity and Chocolate

Good Morning!

I had a pretty decent long weekend despite my episode of binge eating on Saturday night. I was definitely happy to have the extended break so that I could play around in the kitchen. The kitchen time, however, made me realize something about myself: I am one of those cooks who makes the biggest mess possible! It looks like a tornado ripped through my kitchen every time I finish a recipe, I really should take a picture one of these days...I probably will. And the bad part is that I hate cleaning so I probably should make more of an effort to be neater.

Anyway, I experimented with four new recipes but so as not to bombard you with a painfully long post, I'll only post two today.

In other news; I started the Insanity work out program and it really is insane. My calves, lower back and obliques are so sore after just three days of working out (technically two and a half). Right now I'm probably not pushing myself as hard as I know my body used to be able to go and that's frustrating but hopefully I'll get back to that level of fitness and finally be able to push myself 100%. My goal by the end of this month is to get through one of the DVDs while taking only three breaks the whole time (stopping to catch my breath doesn't count). It does feel good to be pushing myself this hard again. It's awful and painful but so good to know I'm doing something healthy for my body. Whenever I start dreading my morning work out I just think "it's only 4o minutes and then you're done and you'll feel better about yourself for the rest of the day."

I did make the mistake of doing a 41 minute cardio circuit training work out yesterday morning and then going to hot yoga in evening. It wasn't bad but I was definitely exhausted. I've decided that since I do love doing hot yoga, I'm going to just take a class on Sundays in the morning because it's my day off of Insanity. Still don't know how I'm going to pay for it but if I can't afford it down the line, then I guess it will just have to wait until I can.

Okay, without further delay, here are two of the recipes I experimented with this weekend.

Cream of Tomato Soup by Carmella:

Ingredients:

2 cups tomatoes

2 cups red peppers

1/2 cup almonds or cashews, soaked

1/4 avocado

Juice of 1/2 large lime

1 tsp. miso

Salt to taste

Fresh or dried basil (optional)

Water until desired consistency is reached

Directions:

Blend until smooth, then taste. If it seems too acidic, add a little sweetener. If desired, gently warm up on the stove, stirring constantly.

Notes: I added fresh basil and some fresh thyme. I used all cashews and I forgot to soak them but that didn't seem to make a big difference. I also added some sun-dried tomatoes. I have to say that the soup was very good and creamy but for some stupid reason I forgot that I've always hated creamy soups with nothing of substance in them. Oh well, lesson learned.

Chocolate Milkshake by Heathy:

Ingredients:

2 large frozen bananas

2-3 tsp. pure vanilla extract or seeds of 1 vanilla bean

2-3 cups water

4 medjool dates or 2 tbsp. agave

Directions:

Blend until creamy and smooth, adding enough water for your preferred consistency.

Notes: I think I added too much water for the size of the bananas I used so it was a little runny and watery but otherwise pretty good. I also didn't add vanilla and I think I used a mixture of dates and agave. Obviously, since this was a chocolate shake, I added some cacao powder to get the desire chocolate flavor. I will definitely try this again using either less water or more banana...I'm pretty sure my bananas were just too small.

That's all for today, I will be spending more time in the kitchen tonight so look for more recipes to come.

TTFN!

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Correction 3:47 09/09/2009 : It's actually five recipes so I have three more to come tomorrow.

Gluttony

I make myself sick...literally!

What kind of person eats until they can't breath, eats until they are sick?! I have such an effed up relationship with food and I'm so frustrated with myself for not being able to fix it. I just want to be able to look at food without seeing a means to stuff my feelings down. I don't see food as a way to stay alive, I see food as a way to kill time. If I was religious, it would be obvious that gluttony is going to kill me. It finally feels like food is going to destroy me...and my mother. She is even more sick than I am but I unlike her, I don't want to spend the majority of my life having this sick relationship with food. I want to be healthy and I want my perception of eating to be healthy as well. I'm tired to slowly eating myself to death.

The Culprit!

It was definitely the raw hummus. As delicious as it was, it was definitely the reason behind my digestion issues this week. I don't know if it was the ton of (badly processed) sesame seeds or some weird combination, but it definitely did not sit well with me. Which is too bad...I think I'll try it without the extra sesame seeds and see how that turns out, after all, I've had tahini with no problems...I'll make a small batch though.

I'm so just grateful for hot yoga this week, it has been amazing for my stomach. Yesterday did nearly kill me though...for some reason I was just stiff as a board and had no balance whatsoever! Still made it through and am happy I went. Next week will probably be my last week in yoga however =*( since my coupon is running out and I need to conserve as much money as possible in the next month or so since I'm quitting my job to go back to school.

Thankfully, I've got a back-up plan as far as maintaining my fitness. I got inspired by Courtney who is doing the P90X program and I was considering getting it until I saw an infomercial (yes, an infomercial, save your judgements) for the Insanity DVDs. It's not as long but looks just as tough and the results seem to be pretty substantial. The program arrived in a five pound box yesterday and the DVDs are in a case that is meant to look like a book (kind of nifty actually). I will start on Monday with the fitness test...apparently even the test is supposed to kick your behind but I'm not deterred. Terrified of all the warnings that come on the box but I'm determined to get through it and to be proud of myself and my body for keeping up. I want to look my best and obviously, feel my best and I know that won't happen until I get serious about working out and shape up. I guess I should take some of the dreaded "before" photos this weekend.

So despite my stomach problems in the past week and a half, I still somehow managed to lose another two pounds this week! I was shocked when I stepped on the scale: I was certain that I would have gained back some of the weight that the flu helped me lose. I don't even know how I did it, I was worried that I was eating pretty badly this week. That just goes to show you that you don't have to consciously be on a diet or counting calories and points to lose weight...you just do your best and try to give your body what it needs.

I've also found that my OCD is starting to get better and that I'm not as dead-set on perfection like I usually am on a diet. This feels so much more natural because I'm not restricting myself and I'm learning not to over-analyze everything I'm doing. Even if I do succumb to the occasional call of the Larabar, it's not the end of the world; it could be a lot worse...


...it could have been Doritos.

Hot Yoga to the Rescue!

I finally feel like my digestion is back on track. I guess hot yoga helped last night as I imagined it would. I can't emphasize how wonderful I feel after doing 90 minutes of hot hatha yoga, it feels so good. It's kind of sad to realize that I can't bend the way I used to and do some of the poses with the same ease that I once did but it's not as if I didn't expect it.

Last night I came home at around 8:30 pm after yoga class and wanted something to put in my mouth. I wasn't really hungry but I wanted something. Given that I knew I was going to bed fairly soon I didn't want anything that would take too long to digest so I used up some of the fruit in the fridge and made myself a fresh fruit juice. Oh my god was it GOOD! It was perfectly sweet, cool and refreshing. Probably found my favorite combination of fruit ever and it was simply by pure luck: peach, apple and orange. Ran all three through my juicer (which I guess I won't be returning after that miracle) and tada; easily digestable, healthy and delicious evening sustenance:

I apologize for the crappy photo but it was late therefore there was no natural light so I had to use the flash =\

In other news, I think I finally figured out what is making me so gassy and irregular: tahini. I made zucchini hummus this weekend and it called for a ton of tahini and then some more sesame seeds and I think it may just be too heavy for me to digest. Shame, because it's so delicious. It took a little while to grown on me but now I'm really liking it! It tastes nothing like hummus but oh well. What I have started to figure out about raw foods is that they are always better if allowed to sit overnight. Unlike with cooked foods, flavors don't combine together immediately because there is no heat to break down the bonds of the food thus allowing all the flavors to fuse together that quickly. The blender obviously breaks down some of the bonds but heat is a catalyst in many reactions so without the artifical catalyst, the natural catalysts in food take longer to work therefore food never tastes the same (and sometimes as good) when you make it at night and the following morning. Okay, just a little basic chemistry for your Wednesday afternoon.

And in case you want to give it shot, here is the hummus recipe:

Zucchini Hummus by Gena:

Ingredients:

2 zucchini, chopped

½ cup lemon juice

1 tsp salt

1 ½ tsp cumin

1 cup raw tahini (the Artisana brand is nice; substitute regular tahini if you need to)

4 tbsp olive oil

½ cup raw sesame seeds

Vitamix directions:
Put all ingredients in your Vitamix and blend to a rich perfection!

Food processor directions:
Same as above. You may have a hard time blending the sesame seeds, so I recommend soaking them for a few hours first, halving the recipe, and stopping frequently to scape the bowl. You can also omit the seeds entirely, but in that case I also recommend omitting the olive oil to keep a thick consistency.

I did not use a food processor or a vitamix, I used my regular old blender so mine wasn't nearly as smooth or creamy and it's very thick. Probably because I also didn't soak the sesame seeds or halve the recipe. I think next time I will try using less of the tahini and less of the sesame seeds. This was just too heavy in my opinion. Though still quite delicious.

Have a wonderful Wednesday, I'm off to do some work! TTFN!

Digestion Problems Once Again

I'm feeling so off today. I don't know what's going on but pretty much since last Thursday's stomach flu, I just haven't been feeling my best and I don't know what to do! I know my digestion is way out of whack and my IBS is back with a vengeance. Ugh! Not to mention the fact that I'm just tired all of the time now! I feel like I did before I went Raw and that is not a good thing. Maybe I'll try eating a smaller lunch tomorrow and see what happens...I'll halve my salad or something. I've finally got my water intake to an adequate level since Thursday so I'm pretty sure I'm not dehydrated anymore. It's pretty amazing how your body can get better and you feel great so subtly that you hardly even notice the difference but you feel crappy the second something gets skewed. I should probably have been a little bit more diligent about weaning myself back onto real food after getting sick, but that's just me...I dive right in.

I'm going to hot hatha yoga tonight so hopefully that will help with my digestion issues. I just want to go back to feeling good. I really don't like this lousy, gassy and bloated feeling. This could also be due to the fact that I'm about to start my cycle which would explain the bloating, the abdominal pain (not cramps, just upper abdominals), the exhaustion and most notably...the irritability. Whatever it is, I really don't like it; I'm not comfortable and I'm definitely not happy or glowing, I just want to crawl into bed and cry...

Hmmmmmmmm...that does sound suspiciously like PMS.